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There’s No Specific Procedure for Bloated Hambeast Carcass Disposal in Indiana

For those of you fortunate enough not to live in Indiana, you may have missed this story. A 750 pound woman died in Indy last week, of terminal fatness. Since there is no specific procedure for bloated...

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Death by Misadventure

Yesterday marked the passing of actor David Carradine, who was partially responsible for the mainstream popularity of the martial arts today through his popular TV show Kung Fu, and his unpopular TV...

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Please, Abort the Indigo Children

One day back in undergrad, I was peacefully watching Adult Swim in the dorm lounge, working on some electronics homework, when Stevie entered and declared me to be one of the Indigo Children. I closed...

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Enter, Dr. Virtue!

Babies won’t mind if you abort them, so go right ahead. Sure, they might haunt you, but since when was that a bad thing? I mean, they owe you. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t shoot the messenger....

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Shoulder Saga, Part I: “Crippler” Johnson Earns His Name

I had major plans for July 11. We’re set that Saturday aside for celebrating my birthday, and I had a full schedule of fun planned. I was going to a karate seminar at August‘s new dojo, go to a...

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Surprisingly, Not Every James Bond Movie Line is Smooth

James Bond is simply better than you. Period. Thus, to emulate him is to be great. Jenny was so delectably shy that she would vapor lock whenever I came to call on her. We sat on the sofa, I was...

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Jesus Supports Gay Marriage

Yesterday, in a stunning blow to freedom and justice, gay marriage has been re-illegalized in Maine. This anti-civil rights campaign was received large amounts of funding from a number of notorious...

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The Worst Consumer Product Ever

I was on Facebook, minding my own business, when I saw that someone had posted a link to my buddy Dan’s wall, which I thought to be amusing. It seems that the Japanese, being from Japan, had managed to...

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King of Kings

I didn’t think yesterday was going to be epic, oh, but it was. I went to work and plotted some points, and managed to leave work such that the rain started right when I opened the door to my building,...

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On Michelle Bachmann.

This post is a collaboration between Mike Brownstein of Politics and Pucks and myself. I’ve been staying on Mike’s couch the last couple of days. The night was growing old. Mike was playing Return to...

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